that shaking inside

it starts right after breakfast -
    these
            terrible
                       shakes.
it is not
          the only thing
                             to be thankful
                                                 for.
they are sudden and painful like I'm
being torn apart from the inside out
and no matter how I try to calm my
self, the shaking is only the first
                                              symptom.
it gathers in my guts,
                                working its way upward
                     into my head
and I can't shake this shaking feeling,
no matter how hard I try.
it works
            through
                       me
to my pit and the darkness gathers there,
bending, weeping, tearing to get out of me.
how long it has been, I cannot say. why it chose
me, I cannot tell.
                         it is only here,
                                               under the skin
          and behind the eyes
                                          and I can't seem to shake
                       the shaking.
it bends and moves deeper into what I am,
calling my name from the shadows of my guts.
I think it wants me dead.
                                      the signs are all there.
       it is waiting for the moment
to shake me right
             out
     of
           my soul.
I have a last cup of coffee
and get dressed.
I'm at my car and it is just a slight
                       vibration.
            as I head to work,
dodging traffic,
                        it is only a hum.
               and when I punch the clock,
the ticking begins.
           the
                terrible
                           ticking.
it is sudden and painful like I'm
being torn apart from the inside
out ...