lie to the damaged

I wish I could say

something nice about her.

after all these years,

the only thing that comes to mind

is the way she giggled when I

tickled her.

everything else was contrived,

a made up person that tried too

hard to be hard –

like she had seen life by the

time she was twenty.

she hadn't.

I really hadn't either.

we were both a little stupid.

but the way she giggled was

like a child and it made me

happy just to hear it.

a free laugh where nothing else

came into play ...

no hard feelings,

no mistakes,

no being hard 

for the sake of

being hard.

after five years of being together,

that is the only thing I remember

that I chose not to forget,

the only endearing quality

to someone who lied 

for the sake of lying.

everything else was venom.

she would do whatever she could

to inflict hurt

she lied about cheating

she lied about the abortions

she lied about love and

life and

whatever future

we might have had.

but when all the memories are spent,

I'm still here

and she is not

and really,

that is all that matters.