white

this

is sudden

with the television blaring white noise in the background

and a warmth down deep where I’ve pissed myself

static

and commotion

the smell of ammonia

the blare of sound

takes away everything else

concentration is not possible

they keep on talking and the noise

is too much

the idea is sickening

it is stained in puke

vomit is everything

sound pollution

but they like the grinding

they like the booming pain

in bloody ears

the gunshot explodes like it’s

right next to me

right up my ass

I wait for the bullet to drop

down through the roof and

kill me

it never happens

there’s silence afterward

and

I can’t

catch

my

breath

if I was

someone else

it wouldn’t be this way

and if I die

so does everyone else

so it’s conducive to keep me alive

for now