how slowly it builds

that place at my spine
where it hurts
always

that place that feels
as if it's
coming
apart

that place where it
connects
to my
skull
and the neck
bends

that hard spot
that aches
in tension
all the way
to the base
where
it cracks
in laughter

the pain lifts
behind the eye and
into the sinuses,
building pressure
that makes me
remember
I'm
terribly alive

that place where
my shoulders
slump
and the blades disconnect
from the ribs
and the spine twists
and I can't catch my breath
from where the ache
resides

that place,
my deformity
of twisted
vertebrae,
cuts me
in half

crawl inside
and cut it
from me

I can't stand
the taste

grind it,
stomp it down into
dust

pull it out
of me

beat me
slowly

I want to
feel every blow

and I will
happily
do the
same
for
you
if you're
broken too