of the trials we endure

darkness does not explain it.
maybe darkness in shadow,
some type of void
that is hazy, surreal,
ripped at the edges.

the limbs refuse to work,
the soul feels heavy.
nothing is the way it
used to be, and it never will be
again.

emptiness says it well,
but it does not come close
to the full picture
because emptiness
does not sound so
painful.
there is something else
there;
a sludge,
a heavy black ink
that has a special way of dulling
the senses. it makes
sunsets shitty
and flowers droop.

distraction sometimes works,
but not always.
the harsh realization comes
in eventually,
and it only brings back the tears.
the small routines
you normally would not notice
suddenly become the hallmark
of pain.

then there is resentment,
anger, and grief to
occupy the suffering,
but it will only make you feel
guilty
in the end.

some small something
interrupts the day
and you start the process
all over again.

a certain smell will catch your
attention. a song
will project out of nowhere.
a strand of light
will grace an article
of clothing. there is
always something.

and in a few years
the pain will numb,
blanketed by time
and it will make you feel
guilty again
for not remembering more
often.
... that is if the madness
misses you
and you can somehow
keep yourself
from dwelling
in the past.

but one day
you will look back and
be grateful for the time
you had before they left.
you will love them more
than you ever thought you could.
maybe you will even talk to
them in the quiet hours
of the day
when no one else
is around,
and it will bring you
some comfort.

you will grow into the pain
where it will not feel
so insufferable.
it is never kind,
but it will not seem
so dire.

many years from now
you will look back
and remember
what you endured.
you will see someone
in as much pain as you were
then,
and you will try to lend
a hand.
you will understand
that it is nothing more than
words, but you hope
it helps.
you hope
to somehow eases
the sadness.

you will gaze into their eyes
and show them
what the reflection
of the future
may be:
a little stronger,
a little lighter,
and with a powerful
set of shoulders
for them
to rest their head.