with self

at times
life seems so futile.
no matter what you do, where
you go,
or how you do it,
it all ends in the same way-
a final breath,
an ending sigh
that breaks you through
to whatever it is that
resides
on the other side of reality.
and as hard as i have looked,
all i see is the need
to become a better person,
to experience life at its
finest,
to set goals and conquer
yourself.
the more you learn,
the more humble you become-
because to live
with the goal of
self realization
is to come to terms
with honesty.
it is an understanding
that puts you in your place.
as individual as we are,
we are not so much unalike
to be better than anyone else.
no matter how much debris
you collect
(fine cars, a beautiful home,
people who love you)
there is no other way out.
and in that we are as equal
as any other species.
we will feel pain, we will endure,
we will experience joy and suffering,
but at that final moment,
we are all the same;
joined with every other living thing.
so in time, we play games
with war, with finances, with the ever enduring
light that scrapes away at the surface
of our being.
we set traps to capture
ourselves in the slick
of life,
pretending to gain,
to lose,
to make amends.
as the light dims,
we wonder what we could have done
rather than the actions we have committed.
so i will play the game,
but always remain
with my head in the clouds,
wondering who i am
at the very heart of me.