it's been so long since you've gone

there will never be a time
when i don't remember you,
when i don't fall back into
the recesses of my mind
and think of you.

i never wondered where you went.
i only considered who you were,
and why you couldn't begin
to understand
that i wasn't the cure
for the sickness that ailed you.
now the lines are but a blur
and i'm still holding true.
the emotions still stir
and there's nothing left to do.

but i remember,
i remember so well
the tiring days
as you went through hell
and all i could do was look on
as you screamed inside
and whimpered out
through clenched teeth.

the memories
are penance
and the present
is patience
and all the weight
hasn't lifted
from my heart
even through
the times
that i fell apart
and felt as if
i were ripping
at the seams.

but all the memories
retain their shadows,
leaving a feeling
so shallow
as i grip tightly
to the the nails
that keep me
rooted in place-
to the memory of you
to the images of you
falling from grace.