In a painting by the sea

By: R. M. Cochran

Copyright© R.M.Cochran 2011

            “Today, I will carve the most beautiful landscape,” Vanity admitted.

            She lived in a castle by the sea with four cats, a dog and a crab named Bob. She would watch the sunset transform the landscape into hues of pink and lavender while etching out the scene on a block of wood which she would carve into intricate and surreal patterns.

            The sunset always moved her, and for the few minutes of every day when it occurred, she was at the peak of inspiration. She would burn pieces of her seaweed walls in the seashell fireplace, mix the concoction into a bowl, squat and piss into the mixture and draw lines upon a slab of driftwood before beginning to carve out the shapes.

            She had thousands of these wood representations of the horizon, each one a little different from the last, indicating that she was getting better at her art.

            Bob the crab walked to her side, scuttled up her arm and gazed down at the wood slab from over her shoulder, “Very nice,” he said, “Are you going to paint this one?”

            Vanity deliberated for some time and finally replied, “I don’t think so. Maybe the next one will be better.”

            “I don’t know. This one seems pretty nice to me. I think you should paint it,” he proclaimed.

            She held the carving up to the sky and looked back and forth from the art to the view beyond her balcony, “Do you really think it is good enough?”

            “I haven’t seen a better piece of art in my life,” Bob stated.

            “Of course you haven’t. You’ve never seen any other art before, only mine.”

            “That may be true, but it is still the best representation of a horizon that I have ever seen, and I have seen my fare share of horizons.”

            “Perhaps you’re right. Maybe I’ll paint this one,” she stared at the carving, “And we can hang it above the mantle so if we ever have visitors, they can see it when they first come into the house.”

            “Perfect!” Bob exclaimed.

            Vanity pissed in another bowl, threw in two egg yolks and plucked some colors from the horizon with a pair of tweezers. She was not happy with mediocrity, so she did her best to elaborate on the perfect hues and tints, adding a bit of ashen seaweed to emphasize shadow, “I’m going to barrow this for a minute,” she said as she removed one of Bob’s legs.

            Bob smiled and balanced himself on his remaining legs and watched as the artist went to work.

            By cutting a chunk of hair from her head, she constructed a paintbrush by fastening the tuft of hair to the crab leg and wrapped a string around it to keep it tight, “There!” she said, excitedly, holding up the brush.

            Winged sea urchins gathered at the balcony and let themselves into the castle to watch Vanity at work. A porpoise and penguin came from the mud room, followed by a dolphin, two sea turtles and an entire troop of flying clams. They murmured accolades as Vanity set the brush to the carving.

            Bursts of color blended and folded into one another. Just when the sea life thought a particular tint was going to ruin the painting, Vanity edged in another, more spectacular shade and made the carving come to life.

            Upon clean cut edges, the waves began to move, cresting and finally breaking on the unfinished representation of the shoreline. Seagulls squawked in the distance as they dove into the surf for their meals. Wiggling fish, caught in the seagull’s beaks, sang their praises for Vanity’s painting before being swallowed into the birds gullets and laughed before they were finally digested.

            Vanity worked feverishly, urging each color to do her bidding. Flying clams jumped in the background of the wooden canvas and disappeared from behind her, forever emblazoned in the art. The porpoise and penguin swam through the waves, leaping and frolicking with one another. The Dolphin giggled and chirped as its body became whole inside the painting and waved a flipper in approval.

            Sea turtles dipped and dove into the breakers, leisurely blending with the coral at the bottom of the painting. Only the sea urchins remained as Vanity began to sketch them in. They smiled and waved at her from their rocky caverns at the edge of the beach once their lickness was complete.

            Bob was the next to be added: standing with one missing leg next the castle on the shore. Four cats and a dog popped up in the window of the painted castle, smiling at the artist while she worked.  An arm was drawn, then a torso, and finally a head.     

            Vanity began to vanish along with the scenery that surrounded her, followed by twinkling stars and sudden blackness. The carving fell to the nothingness bellow with a silent thud and disappeared as well.

            Sitting on the balcony of her castle in the sand amongst the ocean and sea life, Vanity proclaimed, “Today, I will carve the most beautiful landscape.”

            “I think you should,” Bob the crab replied, “Maybe this time you can paint it as well.”

            “Only if it is good enough,” she said as she stared at the thousands of unfinished landscape carvings behind her.