she's always

the cold
is so sudden.
the rain is
coming through
the open
door.
the sudden cold.
her ey
es are black.
the wind rips aw
ay. the sky is dark.
the clouds cast.
her shadow is a frame
along the hallway
but she is
not
there.
i hear
her death
like dry twigs
crushed.
i smell her breath
like
angel whispers
through refuse.
she is there
at the door.
her fingers thread through
the cut
on her arm.
the blo
od is
ink.
her fingers are gray.
she crackles when she speaks.
she never s
peaks.
lightning rapes her silhouette.
dark
ey
es
look through me and past
my
         soul
into what i'
ve never been.
her fingers lace
through the wound
on her arm.
fingers pull at her tongue
from inside her mouth.
she never s
peaks.
she is nowhere now
and never was.
                 she taps
                                  my name
                                                     on the glass
                 in blood.
in blood
                          in blood.
          in her blood
or mine.
                      in my blood.
  i see tired faces in the dark.
i see torn skin.
            i see.
            i'm alone,
but she'
s
laughing to me.
    i hear her laughing
inside
        of
          me.
inside of me. inside of me. in my blood.

she's under

she'
s under
the stairs
where we keep
the mat
ches.
her hair
is sl
ick against
her f
ace
and it'
s dripping wet like
raining waste.
she has scars. she'
s watching everything i do.
she'
s watching intensely.
i'
ve turned the lights down.
there is only one bulb
burning in the hallway
and the light hard
ly touches the pantry
beneath the st
airs.
i'm knelt down
in front of her.
her ey
es are large.
so large. she hisses.
the sound is unusual
and familiar.
she'
s cut herself on a nail
protruding from a stud
beneath the st
airs. she likes it.
she's laughing
as she sta
res at me.
her ey
es are cold and filled in black,
bloodshot.

it'
s raining.

i can hear
the clock
over my heart.

she'
s staring at me.
she'
s laughing to me.
the front
door is open.
thunder rat
tles a long way off
and the clouds crest past
the dark sky. i can see her
footprints on the porch.
i look back
under the st
airs.
she'
s gone.
i hear her
laughing somewhere
in the house.
there are small drops
of bl
ood.
and i can taste
her smell.

she's in

dark  time  .

caustic thirty:

she'
s at the win
dow again.
she'
s wearing skin
and her ha
ir is whi
te.
bel
ow her
the window sill
is wet.
her ey
es are blood
seeping gray
like the clouds
pa
st
her
      head.
she scrat
ches the glass
and licks it.
her tongue is blue.
she wants
in. she wants.
so fast she'
s gone
and there'
s
a trail of spit
where she opened
her mouth for me. she'
s laughing and the glass
is chipped. she'
s laughing agian
and her skin is too larg
e. the hair on her head
as she flashes by the wind
ow is slick like oil
and she'
s laughing.
she wants in. she
wants.
i can tas
te
how she smells.
she tas
tes like iron.
she'
s
dead. she'
s beyond death.
she want'
s
me
to come with her.
i'
ve never felt
so alive.
she'
s inside
standing in fron
t of the wind
ow.
she'
s laughing.
she'
s in.

when you call

the lies we told never brought us any closer
but i'd like to say
we tried
and someday
when i'm
no more than
a memory
i'd like to think
you'll remember me
fondly.
the lies we told never brought us any closer
but i'd like to say
it was better love
than most
ever know.
just because you
didn't show
doesn't mean
you didn't know
what it was like
inside of me
when i held my breath
and watched the clouds
fade away
over head
like a trying night that
never seems to end.
the lies we told never brought us any closer
though i'd like to believe
no one was ever
able to get as high
as we did.
don't worry about being
alone
i'm there
and i'm smiling
back.
if we're lucky
maybe we'll get one more
time around
before it's all come to an end.
until then
i hope you remember
fondly
when you smile away
my name.

the shrine of humanity

there is
another way,
and it is
governed by
not paying heed
to obsolete religions
that ask us to hate
and to kill
and to glorify
jealous gods
through bigotry
and vice
and acts of violence
against those
who may disagree
with us.

if your testaments
mention a murdering god,
a divine, perfect creator
that tricks
and torments,
that tests
and tortures
its creation,
there is no room
on this humble
clump of dirt
for your faith.

if judgement
is at the core
of your belief,
then that belief
is no longer
suitable for
consumption
by the masses.

if you believe
murder is
justifiable
under the laws
of your burnt out
religion,
there is
no more
room
for you.

if the authority
of your creator
gives you the
right
to bully people
for their
harmless
way of life,
you are
no longer
needed.

either change
your ways
or the way
will change
without
you.

there is
no other
god
than the god
that worships
itself.

nobody someday

the move
churns us along
in a bitter pull
against the sun
as we spiral
through space
heading
nowhere
right now.

the bend
tracks us through
the lives we're
living
burning up slowly
as the light
eats us away
piece by piece
and we don't seem
to notice.

the theology
rots our minds
to anything other
than the
bias
of unforgiving,
unrelenting
deities
who weigh on us
until we glance
eternity
through the eye
of a needle,
and some never
bother
to look.

the death
is staring us
in the face,
but we would rather
get high on our own
reflections
than to gaze
at the outcome,
so we play make believe
until we're too far
gone
and there's no way back
but down in the
dirt.

drink the absolution

how do you
tell someone
that they look
like they're
dying?

the years
of alcohol abuse
has taken its toll,
and if you don't quit,
your liquid diet
is going to take that last
bit of spark you have left.

i'm not one
to judge.
i have my addictions,
my vices.
i'm no angel.
but i try to keep
a happy medium
between
life and death,
not trying to go
too far in either direction.

so maybe you're hungry
for something.
there's a piece missing,
and you're trying to find
it,
but drinking it down isn't
going to bring you any closer
to finding an answer.

i guess i could say
all sorts of shit
that you've already heard.
i could tell you
about the beautiful people
in your life who love you.
i could mention your children
and your lover.
i could talk about
responsibility.
but i'm sure you've already
heard anything
i could come up with.

so i'll just say
that maybe you're
looking too far inward.
what you're hungry for
isn't on the inside.
what you really want
is all around you,
but maybe you're afraid
of reaching out.
maybe the booze
blinds you in the same way
life has blindsided you,
and it's kinda hazy where
you're at.

and if you stop now,
it's going to make you sick.
you're going to feel worse
than you have ever felt before.

but like everything else,
it's only temporary.

then again,
maybe you're one of those
people
who need to be at the very
bottom
before you realize that there
is a way up,
a way out.

whatever the case,
it's your soul.
do with it what you will.

just make certain
you're ready to take that
final step,
whatever direction
you decide to go.